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June 30, 2026
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But visibility can also carry risk.
For many rainbow and takatāpui people, being open about who they are is not always simple.
It can affect whether they feel safe asking for help. It can affect whether they expect to be believed. It can affect how much of themselves they feel they have to explain before anyone even gets to what happened.
When someone has been affected by crime or a traumatic event, that matters.
“You do not need to explain or justify your identity to receive care.” - Judy O'Brien, InsideOUT
Victims need to be met with support and without judgement. But our research into victim blaming in New Zealand shows that harmful stereotypes can shape who is seen as believable.
For rainbow and takatāpui victims, victim blaming can be sharpened by homophobia, transphobia, discrimination and assumptions about what a “real” victim looks like.
That’s not a small thing.
It means a person may be coping not only with what happened to them, but with the fear that other people will blame them for who they are.
There’s a well-studied concept known as the “ideal victim”.
It doesn’t mean the person who has been harmed the most.
It means the person others find easiest to recognise as a victim.
The “ideal victim” is often imagined as quiet, innocent, respectable, grateful, sober, calm, compliant and in the “right” place at the “right” time.
They respond in the expected way. They tell their story clearly. They look how people expect a victim to look.
But real victims are not idealised characters. They’re people.
Victims may be angry, frozen, numb, intoxicated, confused, distrustful, overwhelmed, embarrassed, protective of the person who harmed them, or still trying to make sense of what happened.
For rainbow and takatāpui victims, the “ideal victim” idea can create another layer of harm.
A person may be questioned because of how they dress. Who they love. How they express their gender. Whether they are out. Whether their relationship fits other people’s assumptions about violence. Whether they are seen as “too much”, “not enough”, or somehow responsible for the way someone else treated them.
None of those things make someone responsible for being harmed. No one should have to be the “right kind” of victim to get support.
Victim blaming happens when responsibility is shifted away from the person who caused harm and onto the person who was harmed.
It can sound obvious, like:
“Why were you there?”
“Why didn’t you leave?”
“Why didn’t you fight back?”
“Why did you trust them?”
“Why didn’t you report it sooner?”
For rainbow and takatāpui victims, it can also sound more personal.
It can sound like:
“You should tone it down.”
“You put yourself at risk.”
“People will get the wrong idea if you dress like that.”
“Are you sure it was abuse? You’re both women.”
“You’re just looking for attention.”
“You chose this life.”
These comments do not help someone feel safe. They do not prevent harm. They shift responsibility onto the victim and make it harder for them to reach out.
One participant in our victim blaming research, Gwen, described being told by a friend to “tone down” how they presented themselves in public. Their response cuts to the heart of it:
“Why am I going to tone down myself and become a faded image of myself just to be safe when I should be able to be safe? You are essentially telling me that I am the reason that bad things happen to myself.”
Victims should not have to become less themselves to be seen as deserving of support.
Another participant, Riley*, spoke about the harmful idea that rainbow people are “making up” their experiences for attention:
“They think that the Rainbow community, ‘Oh they’re not getting enough attention at home, so they’re making up this thing’. That’s like the rhetoric that’s being pushed and, if you’re making up this, what else are you going to make up?”
That kind of disbelief can make it harder for someone to disclose what happened. It can make them feel alone at the very time they most need support.
Research tells us rainbow communities experience high levels of harm and face real barriers to seeking support.
The New Zealand Crime and Victims Survey found 39% of LGBTQ+ people experienced at least one offence against them, compared with 30% of adults on average.
The same survey found 35% of LGBTQ+ people had high trust in the criminal justice system, compared with 45% of adults on average.
Those numbers sit behind real decisions people make every day.
Do I tell someone?
Will they believe me?
Will I be blamed?
Will they understand my relationship?
Will they use the right name?
Will I be outed?
Will I be safe?
For some people, the person causing harm may also use identity as a weapon. They may threaten to out someone, or use shame to silence them.
That is why inclusive support cannot be an add-on. It has to be part of how support works.
Members of the Victim Support Rainbow Network say Pride is both a celebration and a call to action.
“Pride is a time to celebrate the resilience and strength that rainbow communities bring, especially in the face of harm and adversity.”
“It’s also a call to action for us as a service to actively create safety, show visible support, and ensure rainbow people know they are welcome and believed.”
Judy O’Brien, Chief Executive of InsideOUT Kōaro, says safe support starts with dignity:
“When a person is harmed, they neither need nor deserve intrusive questioning about who they are. They deserve to be heard, understood, and supported without judgement.”
Safe support is not just about using the right words. It is about creating conditions where people do not have to hide parts of themselves to be heard.
That can look like asking, not assuming:
What name would you like us to use?
What pronouns do you use?
Is there anything you want us to know so we can support you safely?
Are there people you do or do not want involved?
Are you worried about anyone finding out?
What would help you feel more in control right now?
As one Rainbow Network member put it, safe and inclusive support means “not making assumptions and instead asking people what works best for them, including names, pronouns, and preferences. It involves getting things right where possible, apologising simply if mistakes happen, and not making it a big deal.”
This matters because being harmed can already take away a person’s sense of control. Support should help return some of that control, not take more away.
Victim Support is here for people affected by crime and traumatic events, including their whānau and witnesses. Our support is free, confidential and available 24/7. You do not need to have reported to Police to contact us.
“Reaching out can feel scary, but you will be met with kindness and support. It is there for you when you need, when you are ready.” - Victim Support Rainbow Network member
We can help with emotional support, practical assistance, information, safety-related needs, referrals, and support through the criminal justice system. We can help you understand your rights, prepare for what may happen next, and feel less alone in the process.
Clear information matters. So does choice.
One Rainbow Network member said clear information and transparency can help rainbow victims understand the justice process, know their rights, and feel more prepared for what to expect.
“It makes engagement safer. Advocacy - both at an individual and system level - can make the process more accessible and ensure people’s rights are upheld.”
Pride Month reminds us that visibility matters. But visibility alone is not enough.
If you have been harmed by crime, what happened matters.
You do not have to have the perfect words. You do not have to report to Police before asking for support. You do not have to prove you are the “right kind” of victim.
As Judy O’Brien says:
“You do not need to explain or justify your identity to receive care.”
One member of our Rainbow Network said:
“You deserve to be heard, believed, and supported exactly as you are. It’s completely okay to feel unsure or hesitant - what you’ve been through matters, and those feelings are valid.”
Another put it simply:
“Reaching out can feel scary, but you will be met with kindness and support. It is there for you when you need, when you are ready.”
Victim Support is here 24/7. Call us anytime on 0800 842 846.
Note: Some research participant names have been anonymised for their privacy and safety.
