Common reactions after a road death

Most bereaved family, whānau, and friends find their trauma and grief reactions after a road death can be very strong and difficult to cope with.

Early reactions following a road death can be found here, but in the coming weeks, months, and even years, bereaved family, whānau, and friends are likely to experience some strong trauma and grief reactions to their loss, and the trauma of the crash itself.

Everyone’s different and will react in their own way, but it can be reassuring to know some of the normal reactions commonly experienced by others who have lost a loved one in a road crash. Reactions can be intense at times.

Common reactions often include:

Emotional

shock, disbelief, numbness
anguish and distress
helplessness, powerlessness
anger, rage
guilt, shame
blaming - others, systems, God, self
wanting revenge if caused by another driver
sadness, grief, yearning for the person
fear, anxiety, panic attacks, on high alert and jumpy
regret for things said or done, or not said or done
worrying the person might be forgotten
alone, isolated, feeling no one understands
despair, depression, suicidal thoughts

Mental

hard to take in – needing information repeated
everything’s a blur, time warps
forgetfulness
mind racing or thinking very slowly
difficulty concentrating and completing tasks
difficulty making decisions
preoccupied, thoughts about the death on loop, thinking if only…
nightmares
flashbacks - reliving what happened, or that you imagine happened
possible development of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
wanting to avoid things that trigger painful memories, such as going past the place where the person died, especially if it is in your community – or if you must pass it often, trying not to think about it

Physical

heart racing, feeling faint or dizzy
tight chest, hard to catch a deep breath
nausea, stomach aches, digestive issues, diarrhoea
body aches, headaches, tense muscles
tearful, crying, sobbing
shaking, sweating
exhaustion and moving slower, or high energy and restless
hard to sleep, or sleeping more
appetite changes
sensitive to noise and light
falling sick more easily, pre-existing health conditions worsen

Social

keeping close to others, or being alone more
wanting to talk, or not talking
avoiding going out by transport
avoiding certain people, places, or situations
irritable, intolerant of others
using drugs or alcohol to cope
loss of interest in things you enjoy

Spiritual

trying to make sense of it
questioning why? what if?
sensing life is unfair and unjust
turning towards cultural beliefs and/or faith, or questioning them
uncertain about the future
sensing the presence of the person who has died, or of tīpuna (ancestors)

Most people find the intensity of their reactions will gradually lessen, but the effects of the trauma or grief can take longer than most people expect. Our helpful information sheets provide more information about reactions. See also these coping tips. (Finding ways to cope after a death)

Helpful support information for witnesses and/or discoverers of a traumatic incident, such as a sudden death, is available to download here.

If children or young people have been affected by the death
See our information sheet for parents and caregivers about Supporting your child or young person after a crime or traumatic event.